What do we deserve?

The Parable of the Prodigal Son. Now everyone's read this parable a couple times before, but what struck me this week, and pretty much a continued theme for me and my walk with God these last couple of months, is their attitude towards the Father.

And he said, "There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.' And he divided his property between them.

Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.

"But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father,I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants."' And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.

And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate.

"Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.'

But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, 'Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!'

And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.'"

As a church kid who finally met Jesus I realized I've been both sons. I've spent my pre-transformation days being the elder son, and spent the recent years realizing how much I am like the returning prodigal. Pre-tranformation days I've always known myself as a son of God, as if I was born that way. I was arrogant about my tiny knowledge of Him, pompous about my identity, and never realizing really how much I looked nothing like what I self-proclaimed to be. And weirdly enough I ended up with the same frustration as the elder son. "I've been working and working for your Kingdom and yet I don't ever see anything come of it!" I give myself to toil in what I deemed best for God, and when I didn't see the glory and breakthrough that I thought was due my fervour, I complained and grumbled, just like the elder son.

The prodigal one was just happy to be home. He didn't come demanding that he be treated a certain way. He came actually begging to be a servant. He knew he deserved nothing; he knew was the one who left to begin with. He came knowing that whatever the Father gives would be good enough; it'd be better than feeding himself like a pig (pun intended). He came expecting to be a reward-less servant, and would've been thankful just to be that. He came humble and grateful well before he saw a single blessing. And he ended up with everything.

Not so with the elder son. I'm going to guess that it isn't the first time he's complained about his lack of young goats; I really believe he hasn't gotten much for his work. And then I realized why: that the beginning of Father's blessing is humility; and the source of humility, is gratitude.

Only in these last 3 years have I realize that I'm actually the prodigal, a beggar, groveling back to God's feet. The thing I'm convicted of more and more nowadays is that I deserve nothing, God deserves everything; that is the premise of my existence. I am a beggar that God has chosen to call friend, a prodigal He's chosen to call son, but that doesn't make Him any less of a king, any less of my Lord. And to be honest, it doesn't make me any less of a prodigal. I still look like one, I still act like one all the time, because ultimately, until the day of Christ Jesus, I'm in dire need of God. Whatever I get from Him in the mean time is not a matter of my identity, as if being Christian meant that we deserved something from God. My identity itself is a matter of God's grace. The great promises of His word are not due us, they are gifted to us. I know He will be faithful to those promises, and I will learn to expect them, but I don't dare demand them.

Are you just happy to be home? Or have you let your son-ship, your daughter-ship get to your head? You are a beggar. We all are. Is Jesus, though He calls us friends, still Lord to you?