Transformers

Lately being on elder board my character has been challenged, I really felt like God was making me revisit situations where I had previous massively failed tests of character. And weirdly enough this week we're in TSH-B105, the exact room where I shared my first prayer devotion 2 years ago. I'm thinking, though all this, has my character transformed enough to back up the position that I'm in.

I asked myself, what is character? What is transformation? I know its supposed to be inside out, but there's so much stuff on the inside, so what does inside transformation look like?

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Transformation starts with the mind, and by the mind I do not mean head knowledge; but that the way you perceive the world is different, the way you process the world is different. However, it doesn't stop there, transformation is to invade the heart.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

and as I was having this convo with God, I said "OK, mind to heart, gotcha, but what's supposed to change?"

James 1:15 Desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

What God really wants to change are our desires, the things that we want. And as this conversation continued, God showed me my soul.

I saw two sorts of desires in me, desires of my mind, and desires of my hearts; things I know I ought to do, the duties and responsibilities that I've taught myself to obey, to like, to maybe even find joy in, contrasted with the desires that are innate, insatiable, unquenchable, that every fibre of my being yearned for, to the point of hurting when they are denied.

And I realize that second part, THAT is character. The desires of our hearts is our character. The transformation of our mind and thought is really just to clear the way, to clear the garbage, so that God can transform the heart, to get at our true character.

When God put that together in my head He took me past the desire of my mind, took me deeper beyond the things that I have taught myself to do and like doing, and to finally begin to look at my heart, and I did not like what I saw. In my heart I still thirsted for the presence of companions over the presence of God, I still craved praise and acknowledgment from others, I still reveled in my achievments and accomplishments as if they were my own. My mind knows otherwise, and I act otherwise, and I've learned to brush those silly cravings aside, but in the end those things are still what my heart wants

It all scared the living daylights out of me, and what was even scarier is that the things that I thought I was convicted in, so many of them are simply in the realm of my mind and not my heart, there's like a precious few that have gotten into my heart. Honestly seeing believers grow to be more like Jesus is like the only one I can see right now.

Lately I've been really feeling telling me He wants to draw me to a deeper place, and I realize that God's really been trying to get into my heart. That the things I know I ought to do, the things that I've taught myself to obey, the things that I know I should believe in, become an all consuming fire that every fibre of my being yearns for, that I hurt for.

Where are you in all of that? Have you been satisfied with simply acting like Jesus rather than being like Jesus? That's a first step for sure, but would you give God a shot at your heart, and not just your actions?