From "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire"

"If a meeting doesn't end with people touching God, what kind of a meeting is it? We haven't really encountered God. We haven't met with the only One powerful and loving enough to change our lives."

-Jim Cymbala

From "Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire"

"Prayer is the source of the Christian life, a Christian's lifeline.....That's why the great emphasis on teaching in today's churches is producing such limited results. Teaching is good only where there's life to be channeled. If the listeners are in a spiritual coma, what we're telling them may be fine and orthodox, but unfortunately spiritual life cannot be taught."

-Jim Cymbala

You Complete Me

On the ride back from Wonderland me and Eileen got to talking about how we've changed over these last bunch of months. I thought about it some more the day after, and when I think back to the things that have changed in my life, the things that changed my life, a lot of it I think was just monkey see monkey do. Not that my faith is based on people or anything, but I really admire and respect each of your lives so much. And honestly that's what it was when I first got here, I saw what God was doing in and through your lives, and I just wanted a piece of the action.

I saw in Judy how to continuously challenge and spur on those around her, from Adrienne a warmth and friendliness that surrounds all who work with her, Eileen bringing energy and excitement to God's kingdom, from Tae faith in every situation and a heart of encouragement for the broken, from John a heart of amazing generosity and such humility, from Alex a heart simply overflowing with love and acceptance, from Paul how to instruct, correct, rebuke with gentleness and respect, from Solina a genuine heart of care for the burdens of others...I only talk of the core team right now as i see them a lot, but I've seen something amazing from each of you here.

I was, and still am, very convinced that God delights in you, not only that you're serving him and committing all this time and effort and all that, but that he delights in you simply for you being who you are. And if you think about it, that's just God delighting in His own handiwork; your entire life, your entire being, has been prepared by God for His purpose, for this purpose. And I am absolutely certain that he will continue to prepare us for our final place in heaven, and that He would be with us every single step of the way.

In Philippians 1:4-6 the Apostle Paul says,

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

I think to myself, if you guys are this amazing now, I can't even imagine how you'd be like when God's work is complete in you. And I think the same way about Westside Hamilton too, we're going to be one year old soon, and God is already working wonders here: the lost receiving Christ, leaders being built up, people being brought into new and renewed, passionate relationships with Christ. Perhaps you have seen much more amazing things, but to me, God is working so much here, moving so powerfully. Let's pray that just as God is working in us to complete our lives, that He will continue to complete Westside Hamilton, that this will be a place that raises up a generation that is Holy, a people that is truly set apart for God. Let's pray that His work will be complete here, in us, and through us.

From "The Problem of Pain"

"All your life an unattainable ecstasy has hovered just beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it, or else, that it was within your reach and you have lost it forever."

- C. S. Lewis

Blast from the Past

Looking back at these entries (spanning from the beginning of 2nd term exams in 1st year, to the the middle of first term of 2nd year, in reverse chronological order, under the label "The Old Me"), I was a pretty dumb kid. You know that saying, "some things will never change", that's what I'm feeling right now.....

Wow, that was 5 years ago.....

11:45 PM 11/2/2003

haha, this house IS horrible........the lifestyles are so different that i really can't stay here next year......like right now jo's music is cranked, itz almost 12.......and even if i sit here silent for 3 hours, she won't turn it down.....i mean i really should just ask for her to turn it down, but how many times do i have to do it before they figure out that i sleep early......just no courtesy there or a bit of consideration at all, i'm obviously not helping by getting a tad annoying and edgy, but even if she turns it down, the bass still comes shining through, and her singing, yeesh, now i know why people don't like me singin by myself, cuz hitting the notes just doesn't cut it, she hits them, but sound SO nasty.....not soothing at all......sorry to vent like this, but i'm just really annoyed at these guys, my performance isn't anywhere near 100% while i'm here, and i definitly don't want to rish next year to these guys. Now i don't even have the mood to talk about this morning. It was interesting though, i did feel a little uncomfortable goin by myself, but it felt better once i got there and worship got goin. When Amanda. that who the lady's name was, told me that she heard you say don't worry.....i don't really know what i felt.....just surprised for one, looked into myself to see if it applied, and heck it did.....been doin A LOT of worrying this last week, just so much goin on, just so happens the hardest one is last, so i'm just goin to wait on you, cuz i'm goin to try doin a lot of work (although i am slacking a bit), but w/o you i'm just nothing, all the skills smartness or whatnot that people or i think i have, it's yours, i just work with what you give me, and it turns out you've really blessed me a lot. So all i can say is i'll try hard tommoro, and come tuesday morning, i'm just gonna to see how your plan goes. Just so thankful for you to say those words to me....kinda the first time you've ever spoken to me, and it was pretty darn clear this time........"don't worry so much"......wow, so much easier said than done, but now it's you saying it, so i'm goin to believe you (which is generally a wise thing to do i think). Just really gotta lift up my unrest with my housemates to you.....i don't know what to do, other than just to pray, that i can be honorable to you in my behaviour, that i'm not goin to go crazy, and that they'd just be a little more considerate to me, cuz i don't think i'm not being considerate to them.......just need your strength lord, to get through this testing year, i'm almost sure i'm not goin to stay, but i'm praying now for a place for me to go, i can think of a few places, but i really do need an environment not only where i can do well in school, but a place that nurtures my relationship with you, and this place is not it......i dunno what i can do about it, or myabe just that i'm being way over judgemental, but i just can't feel all that much of you in them. Doesn't seem like they live out you cept on fridays and sundays, not that i do either, but yeah, nevermind, i have no right to talk, i'm not christian during the week either, i'm not passionate about you except when i'm in need, and for that i'm just so sorry lord.....just seems like this year has been all talk from me and nothing else.......i'm still not breaking out of that mold from the last years......dunno.....what do i do.....?.....helplift up this week lord.....may i just reflect you a little bit, just think about you more often, and a chance to witness by my actions what you mean to me

12:24 AM 10/25/2003

I'm just so tired now.....been a really long struggling kinda week......just came up dry.....looking at the day ahead i really don't know if i can make it, i feel like the goal is too high....so much pressure....i feel tehre's so much at stake..haven't reflected you at all lately...been really irritated about a bunch of things..just really sorry lord, that i couldn't even be a tiny little bit of you these past weeks, that i've neglected you, ignored you, disobey you, and just plain dishounored you...and yet you are still around, still helping, still saving me. The day got off to such a crap start, one of the last things on my mind was you. Walked out of the bio lab refreshed, and obviously it wasn't the lab that rejuiced me, it was you...even after all that you were still with me, pulling me a long, getting my spirit up to speed. Just need to be so thankful for you sticking with me, itz getting rough, my tiredness is starting to get me edgy....itz not so much i need to sleep or anthing, although that would be a much appreciated thing, but that i'm just exshasted and drained out. My strength really is gone.......i've always asked for your hand in everything....but in the end i always end up doin it my way, using my solutions, using my skills to try to climb out on top.....and it's failed miserably, keep telling myself everyday to work hard and get things done.....all i end up doin is watching the time fly by. I'm at the pointing of giving up on a lot of things.....it just doesn't seem to be picking up at the rate i'm use to....even CCF is now kinda becoming a burden, although i do admit these new relationships are really helping me through. I'm just really glad that you have put people at both end of the spectrum that care.....and it's probably a good thing that those 2 groups are separate. It's always kinda sad for me to look at my simple simple life.....and the fact that somehow i still fail.....but that's no surprise, i really can't do much without you. You have brought me here, pretty much every step, i just always end up doin what i do best and you always take care of everything else. Thank you, ust for a day that you've shown me you're around, i don't think this story really holds water to other people, but i know, cuz i felt it. So sorry i haven't told anyone about you, for all the things you've blessed me with in my life you'd figure that's the least i could do.....and i'm not exactly doin it by example either....dunno what to do.....i can't preach, much less debate....so i can't win in that category, even though i always seem to stray that way in any convesation.....bless me with listening skill.....to hear what people say, not just analyse it. Jus thanks for today....i'm still feeling kinda bad, but at least i'm feeling a bit better....amen