8:08 PM 4/12/03

So it has been decided, i am the CCF treasurer/secretary (no no, administrator, just to spite jon =) for next year. Somehow i kinda knew this was where it was goin, i have so much more doubts about being vice chair......it was only after talking to Gary that i really gave that position any thought, and i think i would be 50% of one at this point, but the other 50% is definitely more fitting for Jon, so i'm glad it kinda worked out that way. Everything just kinda fell in place too, which i give you thanks for...... Albert was rite though, we're a rather submissive bunch....... not much conflictive comments in the meeting.... just a lot of "that's cool", "works for me"..... but i guess you can't really say much else when i does work out. Gotta increase the typing speed for next year too, although i'm kinda amazed i'm pretty darn quick now, not even looking too, probably too much ICQ =) I just really pray for us, i think itz goin to be a lot of fun sharing this experience with the bunch next year, and i really lift us and the fellowship up to you, for you to work in us and through us. Need to work on the willingness to communicate too, you know how much i suck at that. I was really surprised that greg would be willing to do worship coordinator....but that's REALLY cool, that he would be willing to step up like that. I'm really glad that the commitee are all full of people i can talk to, people i'm not intimidated by..... the commitee this year was great, they were really friendly, but in terms of intellect and spirituality..... Gary said that it's just us being humble, but for me, this year has been a HUGE learning experience, off campus more than on, that i can't compare where i'm at in my walk with where they're at. There isn't one moment here that i've regreted coming to MAC, everything has just been so great, i can't thank you enough.... and next year, my wish is that the froshes won't regret it one bit either, that's my other passion i guess, so i pray that you will equip me for that goal, as i'm not the easiest person to get to know, and not the easiest to approach, not the most open, and definitely not the most friendly, so i'll really need to work on those. I'm also kinda concerned about the house, not so much the me/Jo thing, but just to find the 5th. I really wish bonnie and felix to come, and share what i have shared. And i think, knowing bons, it would be harder for her to live w/ us cuz itz far, but i really want to keep an eye on her, she seems like the type to really flip inside out in uni. I want her to grow, but in a good way, keep her in nicer crowds, cuz i don't know how well she picks friends. I'm not as worried about felix, i can rely on him to hold his own, and guide himself correctly. Guide me and hold me, cuz i have a feeling, in the next 4 exams, i might be falling.

4:06 PM 4/8/03

How much you put into fellowship is how much you get out of it......i've been doin a little thinking, is that really true? Certainly there's a lot to be had just being at fellowship, otherwise i wouldn't have been there all these years. But how much of what you get from fellowship by just sitting there is worth while? THe socializing, the fun, the chats, the relationships that you build, a lot of that is important to me, but how important should they really be compared to what i can get from really being involved, really taking ownership of a fellowship? and should we really have a mentality at all that we need to get something from fellowship in order for us to attend?.....i dunno, just full of questions today......questions with no answers, as of yet, worthwhile to think about them though. To me, fellowshipping is just something christians do, just like if you're not called to any particular church you don't stop goin to church all together, you just pick one and go. And when God decides to move you else where, that's his choice. So to me it is really odd that josh expressed that kind of opinion, to not goto fellowship at all because he wasn't called to one. But i'm glad he decide to come to CCF (or so he says, for now) for a year, i just hope and pray that he isn't just coming to full fill the requirement to be able to lead a small group......but i'll let you be the judge of that. School is over, and along w/ is, so is first year. quick quick quick......blue skys of september is now back, only now it's april.....at this rate if i blink i'd graduate. Goin to miss shaun, all of the seniors here, the amazing thing about them, is that they ALWAYS see you eye to eye, no ifs or buts. I kinda wished i had a shot at tasting Jill's cooking, since people talk about it so much. Kinda weird that i still remember Chang, eventhough the only times i saw her was at the VERY beginning of the year, and the VERY end. Next year is goin to be interesting, dunno if Joanna will ever talk to me again......but i guess i was kinda a jerk a lot of times, so she kinda has a right to.....gotta work on that (even if josh was just making that up, i think that part of my personality has always needed work on). Pray for everyone, exams aren't fun, so i pray that everyone is given a fair chance to show their best.....I'm goin to be clingin to you for life so don't let me fall plz

12:36 AM 4/7/03

theme for next year.....a bright reflection.....just shining for all who cares to see, reflecting God, not just talking about him, on campus, in the community.....planning to have deeper stay next year somehow, sonia is interested in coleading, kinda a CC/CCF thingie, would be cool.....yeah, kinda starting on the vision, thinking of groups, i figured if my visions involved small groups, it would be kinda silly for me not to lead one. Deeper i think has made me think a lot, and it would really be sad to see it go, so i'm goin to try not to let it. Gotta start studying soon, feel so lazy, need to wind back up tight again. Just hope you'll provide what it takes, cuz the last ones are kinda killer. Now i REALLY dunno what position i'll do best in.......Jon was good as treasurer, but he has a closer relationship with Sylvia and can probably better help her as vice chair........dunno dunno dunno. This first committee meeting is goin to be interesting indeed. Filled out the eng selection form, if all goes well, i'm goin to be an electrical and biomedical engineer starting next year, got the same butterflies now as i had in sep, can't wait to go, but also real scared of what could be coming. I just pray you guide Wilson, i know he's trying to do what he think's best, but i just don't think he can use all of his incredible potential commuting, just show him a way. Pray for my sis, needs direction, something she's passionate about that she can study. I NEED A JOB!!!! Just really sincerely pray for the committee next year, i see a lot of enthusiasim, a lot of potential for great things to be done by you through us. I dunno, i felt that the "4 people in 1 house" question was really silly. That should actually make the committee better, having that extra closeness, extra understanding. ....should be better than if everyone if in diff house NEhow.....although i can kinda understand the fact that if they all in same program then they get busy all at the same time, that's where we all have to support eachother i guess, and i pray i can really contribute.

10:50 PM 4/5/03

That was about CCF, this is just about my year in general. It's been crazy, gone SO fast, i steped on campus like yesterday =) Been an incredible year, an awesome renewal. Met some great people, some not so great people, learned a lot, learned there's lot's more to learn. (still don't understand why people think i know physics). I guess it was just typical me that i'm comfortable away from home, although i really did miss my family at times. Eng was fun, i never thought i'd say that, but it has been. To do what i'm good at, to make my future in it, and to have God just guide me every step of the way, it's awesome. I just hope the next 3-4 years doesn't go by as quickly, otherwise i'd be gone soon. But like Gloria said, about 5 years is enough. Electrical and biomed eng, i must be nuts......never thought i'd ever touch bio again, but here i am, taking healthsci......be a doctor eh, still think no way......Sis has grown a bit too, still rather directionless, but i'm hoping you'd change that. I'm just thankful, for u getting me here, to find this family, to be a part of it......this program might kill me, but i'm pretty sure i'm more interested in this than comp eng. Food was really a challenge, so salty, and after a while, so nasty. Roomie is ok, just drunk friends pissed me off. But fun year overall i think, dunno if i'll do it again though, kinda tough.....not goin to get NE easier

10:30 PM 4/5/03

Hmm, first writing.....had to think about my vision for CCF this week, i don't really know all that clear at first, just thankful Gary was able to help me with it. Now i'm on the commitee for next year, feels weird, cause i think i might have been here before, and it didn't work out so well last time. It was really weird how Gary kinda brought out my liking for small groups, they really had changed me this year, and supported me when i think i was goin nuts. Men's cell was always fun, whether we were just talking or studying the word. All of us had good things to say, and it was a lot of fun getting to know the guys. Deeper, kinda missed out on the first half, but Shaun and Gloria really lets things loose, and a sunday school answer is never really allowed. Allowed me to really probe my own mind, to what i believe in, and revealed to me a lot of things that i need to explore further. I dunno, one hand, i'm keen on seeing small groups grow, but don't know how......on the other hand, i'm bad at communication so treasurer is kinda tough for me......so where am i goin? This vision, as sylvia pointed out, is something i'm not very good at, to see ahead, to understand what i want.....just help me, i'm in this 100% now, and i can't give NEthing less.

The Old Me

Wow, found this text file with my old jounal in it, figured I'd post all the entries here. Reading it, and looking back....man I was different....lol.

Sticking to it

Men's retreat was pretty crazy, learn a whole lot about being a real man, relationships and such. But I guess the biggest thing for me was the Friday night, where we really invited the Holy spirit to really work in our midst. As I was confessing my sins the biggest one that hit me REALLY REALLY hard was my negativity and lack of faith. This really reminded me of Abraham's story in Genesis 22:1-18, so I guess that's what I'm sharing today.

To be honest, if I were in Abraham's shoes, I'd just brush off that calling of sacrifice as nothing, because in my mind, there's NO WAY AT ALL that sacrificing Issac would do ANYTHING to fulfill God's promise to Abraham, or to help the kingdom of God in any way. I always think like that, that I try to make sense of the situation in my own head, and instead of looking to God for the next step, I look to my own logic. And of course, a lot of times things don't make sense, and that's why I get so negative cause other people are pushing a certain direction, and I'm always like, well, that's probably not going to work......I actually used to think that I knew what was going to happen next, I never had the faith that God could do anything else with the situation.

But you know what, going through that night at men's retreat, re-reading this story, the one thing I know now is that it isn't my job to make sense. That you stick with what God has called you to do regardless of how outrageous or ridiculous you think it is.

That's why I'm really encouraged by the people who come from Mississauga, who continue to invest here, you guys are doing exactly that. I know that Hamilton might not be the most fruitful or rewarding campus, and I suppose it is somewhat natural that some will really rather be else where after a while here. That kind of thinking I've always been guilty of. And I guess that's the continual challenge to us, that if you are called to be here, stick with it; even though it might not be very comfortable being here, even though you might not see much fruit, even though you might be discouraged, even if you think you're not making a difference at all. Let's stick to what God has called us to do.

Let's pray for hearts that are truly passionate for Hamilton, that on any given sat we wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Let's pray for continual faith, patience, and most of all, perseverance for our ministries here. I know God's going to faithfully stick to this, are we going to do the same?