Do not start dating or start having one on ones with prospective dates (essentially dating before committing to dating) to try to observe what I outlined in the previous two posts ("I'm just spending time getting to know them" people say).
I cannot begin to count the number of times I have seen those sorts of quasi-trial dates/relationships turn sour and end bitterly when one side gets more sucked in and more emotionally attached than the other. Not just the girls, but I have seen plenty of guys get hurt this way too.
In addition, people consciously (sadly there are playa's in churches too) or subconsciously (simply trying to put their best foot forward), lie about themselves. Girls are notoriously gullible to this, they feel so special when a guy spends more time with them and treats them better than other people. Girls naively think they have found the "real" them. Well guess what, you are going to eventually, likely sooner rather than later, have to deal full time with the "not real" them too!
If you see that the person approaching you treats you significantly different than everyone else, watch out (I advocate that guys should approach girls, not the other way around. If the guy will not even take the risk of rejection for you, to quote a movie, he is just not that into you). No one is trying to outright deceive (well I hope by now you have at least the wisdom to weed out the obvious playa's, male or female), but who does not put their best foot forward and cover up their blemishes, especially when put in a one on one setting when they can look like whatever they want without the possibility of being called out for their cover up?
Rather, try to stay a distance and observe them when they think people are not particularly paying attention, like in group events. Listen to them talk about their friends, their family, their views of God. Watch how they interact with brothers and sisters, with strangers, with people in need. You will get a much more accurate picture of someone by observing them at a distance in public than making your intentions known and having that person, consciously or subconsciously, begin tailor their image to you when you spend time with them.
A great place to see this, as some of you suggested, is at a prayer meeting. Do they reveal their weaknesses and failures to their faith community and ask for support? Do they, both in prayer and in deed, address the needs brought up by others in gentleness and respect? Do they even go? Or pray with brothers and sisters regularly? In the words of an anonymous Australian minister that Jim Cymbala met in Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire:
You can tell how popular a church is by who comes on Sunday morning. You can tell how popular the pastor or evangelist is by who comes on Sunday night. But you can tell how popular Jesus is by who comes to the prayer meeting.
Caution 1: Please do not go to prayer meetings for the sake of finding someone. If you are not praying regularly with brothers and sisters, or at all, you really should apply the above quote to yourself, and figure out where you are really at with God. Because if you do not actually care about God and His kingdom, why attend church events at all? Why limit yourself to dating Christians?
Caution 2: While we are here, I should also warn against church hopping to find spouses. Clearly if you are changing churches solely to find a spouse (I am not saying there are no good reasons to change your faith community, but let us not lie to ourselves here, so many young adults do so for poor reasons, but that is for another post), you have not found, or been satisfied with God's work with your life right now, and we are right back to a lack of contentment and inability to recgonize abundance. Matthew 6:25-34 offers some challenging, yet ultimately comforting words. I will reprint the iconic verse 33 here:
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
I won't be posting the next 2 weeks to prepare for the discipleship workshop that me and Dan are heading up at Campus Challenge 2012 http://goo.gl/rQap7. Let me know if I'll see you there!
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