7:55 PM 5/8/03

Got the pics from Shaun today, he sure sent a lot....... brings back really fond memories, or just sharing our brains and our lives w/ eachother, sure am goin to miss that..... and i'm like really non photogenic, maybe i'm just being harsh on myself i guess. Itz almost depressing being home doin nothing nowadays, just sitting there, kinda like loitering, only in yr own home...... which really makes no sense. I just really wanna pray for this SARS thing, goin to drop off resumes at the hospitals really gives you a sense that this is really serious and people are really fearing....... i just don't know what your will is in all this, but after some thought i begin to realize that your return is coming, and these are just some signs of the the chaos to come. I'd just like to pray for a cure/vaccine of some sort, but that's just my own human planning and pleading, but may your will be done. My job hunting has kinda stopped, letting the agency do itz thing, and hoping for a call soon..... i'm starting to feel my brain slowly rot away...... so i guess i'm goin to start tutoring people..... cuz i think i can, and it'd keep my brain rolling at least..... Just need to shout praise to you for these marks that have rolled it, just amazing how you can turn something that i thought was so horrible into a decent mark, just thank you so much, cuz this is better than i could have ever imagined..... which leads me to think, what would i do if it didn't turn out this good, but quite the opposite..... i'd like to think i'd still stay strong in you, still praise your name, still love you...... but i know that i'm not nearly strong enough to do that, i'd curse you, doubt you, maybe even turn away, so i just pray now that you grant me strength to always be with you, through everything, not just the bright days, but the darker ones, cuz if anything, i'll need you even more then. I guess w/ those last marks, it really wraps up this magical year. I'm just thankful that tears haven't been shed over it, as i'm sure some are for some people, and thankful that my life, in you and in everything, has been renewed........ thankful that for the first time i really saw you working down here, working in people, through people........ so much that i'm now begging for you to do the same thing in me, that i would be blessing to others, not because i'm good or i'm talented, but because i have you...... just thank you so much, somehow i feel i'll never be thankful or praiseful enough to express how much you meant to me this year. I'm still a little dazed about how this is over, and i won't have it back (unless i fail.....) I'd just like to once again lift my summer up to your hands, use it as you will, guide me and lead me to something worthy of your name. For me my plan is to find a job, but may yr will be done.]